Direct Selling Advice… Lesson 9 from the School Playground

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Posted on 5th May 2010 by Mark in Uncategorized

Direct Selling is about helping others, it is about relationships… we learned about sharing, being nice and helping others while playing on the playground… these lessons often stay with us… sometimes… we just need little reminders… let’s continue on with the 10 Direct Selling Playground Lessons and 10 Direct Selling Strategies…

10 Lessons from the School Playgroundplayground shoes

  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #1 Acceptance
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #2 Be Nice
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #3 Play Nice
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #4 Role Play
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #5 Imagination
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #6 Explore
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #7 Bullies
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #8 Friends
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #9 Teachers
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #10 Rainy Days

Now. Lesson 9…


Yep.  I was going to die.

I kept my head down looking down at my shoes, my sweaty hands wringing behind my back.

“Ok, Mark… tell me the truth.  What really happened out there?”

“You see I was mad…” I began my plea, “Jimmy was picking on Danny because he doesn’t have any hair!  How was I suppose to know there was a rock in the snowball!?”

“Maybe because you made it.”

Ouch.  She was good.  I could hear Taps in the background.  I saw my mother and father weeping.  The shame I brought to the family name.  It was probably good it ended this way… who knows what kind of awful criminal I may grow up to be…

“Mark.” Look at me.

I was going to upchuck any moment.  Guilt is a hard thing to swallow.  I swallowed hard and raised my head.

Ms. Vivian lowered herself to my eye level. “Mark, I know you were angry at what Jimmy did… what he did was wrong and he apologized to Danny… but if it happens again… make sure your aim is better.”

She gave me a quick smile and a let’s-keep-this-between-us-wink.  She stood up and started walking away when she stopped and turned back, “And Tracy… she is ok you just scared her.  Once I explained what happened she thought what you did was pretty brave.”

That day Ms. Vivian became one of my favorite teachers.

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Direct Selling Playground Lesson #9: Teachers

As a child, we had our teachers taking turns overseeing the activities and interactions of the playground.  But what was their role?  They weren’t behind their desk going over our spelling vocabulary… they were outside… on the playground… that’s not a learning environment right?… Wrong.

Teachers’ goals are to teach right?  Teach what?  Simply the subject matter?

No, a worthwhile teacher’s role is far more complex than reading out of some off-the shelf curriculum!

So.. “Yes, teacher’s goals are TO TEACH”… but the best take it beyond the classroom.

4 Corners of Effective Education

Corner #1: Cognitive Education

Cognitive Education is the most obvious, it is about facts & figures, spelling & vocabulary, States and their capitals, history and important dates.  It is about developing knowledge across a breadth of fields in order to assist students in applying cognitive interpretation to their situations.  Effective teachers will develop the critical thinking component in their students… teaching them to THINK on their own.

Cognitive Education on the playground is teaching children the rules of the games, explaining how and why things work the way they do.

In Direct Selling, your team needs to understand what they are trying to accomplish, what the legal parameters are of their opportunities, why certain things are done the way they are.

The phrase “Expectation without Explanation leads to Frustration.” summarizes the importance of Cognitive Education nicely.

Corner #2: Behavior Education

Behavior Education is about how we act.  How we DO things!  It’s the How To.

Behavior Education on the playground is teaching children how to throw a ball, how to catch, how to kick, how to jump rope, how to go down a slide… how to… fill in the blank!

In Direct Selling, your team need to understand HOW TO do things… most people aren’t going to walk in off the streets and know how your team and opportunity performs certain activities.  Sure some people may have sales experience, others may have even been in other direct selling opportunities… even the one you are involved in!  One thing I have learned is everyone does things slightly different.  The opportunity I am involved with has 6 different groups in the SAME city, all involved in the SAME opportunity, each with different philosophies and methodologies towards building it.

When looking at direct selling opportunities, understand, to look at the fruit on the tree of the group you will be working personally with.  Beware of corporate or ambiguous hype… what are the growth, retention and profitability rates of people you will be coached by?

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Would you consider using something from 1936?  Odds are it is outdated, obsolete or worst… wrong.

The Direct Selling Strategy for today is a lesson I learned on the playground, but was reminded it’s importance from a book I was recommended when I started with Direct Selling.  A book authored in 1936,  How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  It is a book I even used when I taught communications courses at college… It is a fascinating read… filled with history, stories and timeless principles.  One of my favorite stories from the book leads us to our strategy for the day,

dog and meat“Pete Barlow was an old friend of mine.  He had a dog-and-pony act and spent his life traveling with the circuses and vaudeville shows.  I loved to watch Pete train new dogs for his act.  I notice the moment a dog showed the slightest improvement, Pete patted and praised him and gave him meat and made a great to-do about it.

That’s nothing new.  Animal trainers have been using that same technique for centuries.

Why, I wonder, don’t we use the same common sense when trying to change people that we use to change dogs?  Why don’t we use meat instead of whip? Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation?

Direct Selling Strategy #9: Praise

In our Burger King microwave society where we want everything done OUR way right NOW, we have become more abrupt and cynical, rude and demanding, takers not givers.

If you want to stand out in the mind of your customer or team.  Slow down and use some praise.

No this isn’t an alter call… simply learn to lift people up.

Understand: What you edify is repeated, good or bad.

3 Important Praise Tactics

1. Use people’s names.

According to Carnegie, it is the sweetest sound a person can hear.  Figure out ways for you to remember peoples’ names.

I remember a meeting, in my first year of direct selling where an individual happened to be passing through our area and attended a regional meeting.  It was near the end of the meeting when someone recognized him as a very successful direct seller from the east coast.  He was asked if he would be willing to share some of his experience and provide tips for people.  He agreed.  I don’t remember a single tip or story he said, because I was captivated by his using people’s names!   Understand, not knowing anyone when he arrived, he worked the room, mentally noting each person’s name and something about them.  During his training, he would look at people, use their name and mention something they either said to him or something he heard said about them before the meeting by someone else.  I remember looking at me and saying my name, even though I hadn’t talked to him, one of my downline did and told him about recent trip me and that downline took!  I was captivated!  The room was captivated!  By the end of the meeting, he probably recalled 20-25 people by name of people he had never met prior to that night.  Each person walked out of the meeting with the feeling he KNEW ME!

Still to this day, that experience left a lasting powerful impression on how powerful people’s names are.

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For the remainder of this Lesson, watch for the upcoming release of the E-Book “Direct Selling Lessons from the Playground” with extended tips and advice for each of the lessons AND an additional 5 Lessons and Strategies not covered at the blog!!

Sign up for the FRONTLINE NEWSLETTER and be notified when it is released!!

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Your Turn Readers…

What teacher has had the greatest impact on you and why?

Direct Selling Advice… Lesson 8 from the School Playground

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Posted on 4th May 2010 by Mark in Uncategorized

Direct Selling is about social interactions and relationships. Since some of our first and most influential social interactions occured on the school playground… we will be exploring 10 Direct Selling Playground Lessons and 10 Direct Selling Strategies…

10 Lessons from the School PlaygroundSmiling Child

  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #1 Acceptance
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #2 Be Nice
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #3 Play Nice
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #4 Role Play
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #5 Imagination
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #6 Explore
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #7 Bullies
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #8 Friends
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #9 Teachers
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #10 Rainy Days

Jump into Lesson 8…


“Danny… I’m so sorry…” I whimper leaning on the tree in back corner of the playground away from everyone else.

“Why me?” Danny turns to me with tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I don’t know…” I say weakly

“The doctor’s said I will have about 6 months…” Danny blankly states… “I’m scared.”

Mustering whatever strength I can, “Well… you’re MY best friend… and I will be with you… till the end.” I choke out trying to push back my own tears.

*******

Life is about our relationships.  They often casually enter our lives, many casually pass through our lives, but some… some transcend life itself.  These are the relationships that shape who we become; these relationships are forged through the fires of joy and tribulation.  Those that survive the longest are called friendships.

Direct Selling Playground Lesson #8: Friends and Friendship

When you look at a Playground you see children laughing and playing, many have built bonds with other kids, most are for fun and play… as they grow, they will either grow apart or closer.

I know many of my readers had either frequently moved or were shy and quiet… regardless… while you may not have experienced friendships to the level I share… understand the lessons are for anyone… and it’s never to late to find a best friend… at any age…

7 Building Blocks to Friendship

1. Common Ground-Mutual Disclosure

Playground Kids are drawn to what they have in common.  When two kids both enjoy the same thing, they are more likely to overlook other elements and befriend one another.  It could be similar interest, similar experiences, similar

Direct Selling What is similar? What is familiar?  Work at establishing common ground early on… If you are unable to discern obvious commonalities, then take a sincere interest in them and listen, learning and engage them in their passions… who knows, you might learn something new!

2. Laughter – Building Memories

Playground – Kids laugh at farts (as do many adults I know…) or people tripping or a dog chasing its own tail… they start learning jokes that to adults aren’t funny, but kids will laugh at about anything!  Kids laughter is also very contagious… one starts giggling then a whole group can erupt in laughter.  When they are laughing they don’t care what other people think of them… they are simply enjoying life at that moment.  (unless they are the subject of ridicule)

Memories are anchored more strongly proportionately to the intesnsity of the accompanying emotions… We retell the emotional event more in our mind than the factual event.

Direct Selling – Learn to build powerful memories with your customers and downline.  Learn to laugh together and enjoy life.  Today’s adult world we don’t laugh enough, we have pressure for work, bills, marriage, health, family, etc.. the list goes on and on… if you become the conduit to momentarily escape reality… you become a drug for them.  Now I am not saying to become a comedian, rather, build memories that stand out.  Know your relationships well enough not to offend them.  Laughter is simply one way of building a memory.

Direct Selling Strategy #8: Keep It Personal

Keeping It Personal is a strategy of deepening and extending your influence on your existing relationships.  It is positioning YOU as their ANSWER.  It is knowing and caring more about your team and your customers than they expect from you.  It is about raising the bar through providing very exclusive service TO THEM.

Direct Selling is about relationships.  From establishing, to cultivating; from nurturing to servicing the goal is to enhance the lives of people around you through your opportunity’s offerings.  There are 3 Progressive Tactics that can be implemented to leverage “Keep It Personal

Keep It Personal Tactic #1: The Dossier

If we were to sit down face to face, what could you tell me about your best customers or downline? What about your newest customers or downline?  What do you know about them?  What are their goals?  What are their strengths?  What are their weaknesses?  What does their dossier contain?…

“Wait?!… their WHAT!?” 

A Dossier, or profile, is a collection of information you should have on each relationship of your business… It doesn’t have to be complicated or sophisticated… but have something! 

Dossier“Well, where do I get this info?”

Three primary sources:

  1. Listen… they will tell you most of it…
  2. Social Media, like Facebook… it is scary what some people reveal to the world!?…
  3. 3rd Party, talking to an associate, friend, family member will also reveal items of note…

I do an exercise with my team where I pass out four 3×5 notecards. I have them assign one card to their best customer, one card to their top performing downline, one card to their newest customer or downline and one card to their coach.

  • Write 3 things you know about them.
  • Write what is that person’s dream/goal?
  • What is their most immediate need?
  • What is the best memory you have created with them?
  • What is the last memory you have created with them?

I give them 5-7 minutes/person.

Couple key things to point out…

  1. How engaged are they in these key relationships?  What are they doing good? What can improve?
  2. Are they creating memories or just a notation on a calendar?  How are they standing out or blending in?

This provides great insight on where they need work in developing their communication and marketing skills.

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For the remainder of this Lesson, watch for the upcoming release of the E-Book “Direct Selling Lessons from the Playground” with extended tips and advice for each of the lessons AND an additional 5 Lessons and Strategies not covered at the blog!!

 Sign up for the FRONTLINE NEWSLETTER and be notified when it is released!!

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Your Turn Readers…

How or where did you meet your best friend (or your closest confidant)?

Direct Selling Advice… Lesson 7 from the School Playground

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Posted on 3rd May 2010 by Mark in Uncategorized

The Playground is where we learned lessons good and bad that ultimately shape us and influenced the way we build our Direct Selling business… now let’s continue pushing through the 10 Direct Selling Playground Lessons and 10 Direct Selling Strategies…

10 Lessons from the School PlaygroundIn the Leaves

  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #1 Acceptance
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #2 Be Nice
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #3 Play Nice
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #4 Role Play
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #5 Imagination
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #6 Explore
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #7 Bullies
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #8 Friends
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #9 Teachers
  • Direct Selling Playground Lesson #10 Rainy Days

Let’s hit Lesson 7…


“Ok, hand it over…” the low voice commands.
Reluctantly, I dig my shaking hand into my pocket and pass my money over… “Here.” I shamefully mutter unable to even make eye contact…
“Good… now if I hear you make a sound… you WILL regret it… Now scram!”
Was I mugged?
… not exactly… THAT interaction was on playground as a child.

This is one of the darker realities of the playground,…where your ‘friends’ look the other way… teachers seem to be oblivious and… you feel naked and vulnerable… I’m talking about…Bullies.   The playground or life isn’t always pleasant and fun… neither is this lesson…

Direct Selling Playground Lesson #7: Bullies

No playground is without bullies, television makes light of them… typically portraying them as big, dumb, lumbering hulks with nothing better to do than pick on the little person.

The sad reality is that bullies have a following…

Understand, power only comes from others giving it to you.

Bullies position themselves with influence… influence which they CHOOSE to use at the expense of others.

The Bullied

Bullies have one primary objective: Fear
Fear leads to control by paralysis/inaction.
Fear results in two outcomes in the Bullied: Shame and Anxiety
Shame for not standing up or doing something…
Shame for feeling like a victim…
Shame for being afraid…
Anxiety for not wanting to continue a behavior that will lead to more shame…
Anxiety for not wanting to face the fear…
Anxiety for feeling out of control….

3 Types of Pain

Bullies typically inflict at least one of three types of pain on the Bullied
1. Physical. This includes pushing, hitting, grabbling, tripping, slapping, etc.
2. Emotional. This includes fear induction, intimidation, stress, anxiety, shame, guilt, etc.
3. Social. Public embarrassment, humiliation, name-calling, social exclusion, labeling, disconnecting Bullied from support and social acceptance, etc.
There has also been increasing amount of cyber-bullying in today’s youth’s world (child’s email, their social networking sites, harassing/threatening text messaging…)

Flip the Coin

The darker side of this topic is there are two sides to every coin. The bully has a story of their own; in many cases it parallels their targets. I believe from my experiences, a number of bullies are abused or still being abused.  In order to cope with their pain, they lash out at others. Being unable to handle their emotions or externalize their anger, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with a need for control they inadvertently act as a conduit for the hurt rather than capping it and diffusing it.  So understand, often times the bully is going thru their own version of hell, one whose lessons, unfortunately, will negatively influence people around them for generations.

So what can be done with bullies?

Regretfully, there is no simple cookie-cutter answer. Nor is this blog’s purpose to cure such a cancer of the playground… yet being Bullied myself… I offer 4 Quick Thoughts:
1. Live through it.
Teach your child that they can’t always control their environment, only their response.  My parents encouraged me by Time Traveling Fast Forward (see Lesson 5) showing me a future after the bullies… I realized I only had to out last them to survive them…
2. Become stronger through it.
I used college as a time to re-invent myself, leaving the old self and choosing a new self from then on. I realized that I was not alone in my bullied experience, I discovered many people have been bullied in some way and some point… it became a painful but effective connection point.
3. Choose not to pass it on.
My mother taught me we all have a choice on how we want to the hand we are dealt.  My mother, who was physically and emotionally abused by her father, promised herself, she would love her children and never hurt them intentionally… She has always stayed true to the promise she made to the little abused girl.  She shared stories of what her dad did to her, those graphic images have stuck in my head and influenced the way I treat people.
4. Be Aware.
Awareness alone can do wonders… Bullied people feel alone, invisible and ashamed…. They need a constructive healthy outlet, someone to talk to, someone to confide in, even someone to cry to. Understand, by you being aware, you can be a pressure release valve in a pressure cooker world.
Be aware of your child… their stories.
Be aware of your child’s friends… what is being said about them through your child.
Be aware of your child’s environment… what IS their playground like?
Be aware of your child’s social intelligence… ask who is bullied and how, use it as an opportunity to teach your child some powerful lessons.
How does seeing someone bullied make them feel?…
How would they feel if it was them being picked on?
Teach compassion.

How’s this relate to direct selling?

Easy… change the words Bullied and/or Child to Customer, Prospect or Downline.
Understand, Bullies still exist in the adult world.
Just like companies flex their influence to get their way, similarly family members/friends/roommates/coworkers may be razing your prospect or downline creating fear, anxiety, even shame for considering direct selling.  These are the people, if not reached out to, that verbally continue the passing of hurt and pain of negative gossip.
Or are you a bully?  Do you humiliate your downline?  Bully your customers into a sale?
Be smart. Be respectful of everyone.

Bullies in direct selling can also be one’s own past mocking himself, belittling herself.  To counter self-sabotaguing behaviors, I again, recommend a powerful program, Lifestorms, by Dr. Kevin Hogan.   “Lifestorms” trip you up and cause you to keep going through the same cycle of failure in life and relationships. Find out what they are and how to fix them.

Direct Selling Strategy #7: Safety in Numbers

Just like when wagon trains moved across the Great Plains… there is safety in numbers in direct selling too.

Understand bullies don’t attack groups, they attack the isolated individual. Protect your customers, prospects and downline by creating an environment of community.

People are looking for affirmation, recognition, and acceptance.

Have a culture that welcomes people. Make it be a safe haven, a refuge.

Community is an incredible powerful element in selling.  People want to belong and fit-in.  They want to be part of the in-crowd.

Community can greatly reduce buyer’s remorse, returns and increase retention and customer satisfaction.

What can you do this week to strengthen the community you service?

Come back tomorrow… I PROMISE it won’t be as much of a downer!

Your Turn Readers…

How do you deal with bullies?